- When a physical problem gets in the way of your sex life, it can feel isolating and worrisome.
- An estimated 1 in 3 men have dealt with premature ejaculation at some point in their lives.
- Sprays, wipes, and medications like SSRIs and Viagra can be used off-label to prevent premature ejaculation, but there aren’t any permanent fixes.
- No matter what option you try, it’s also worth discussing this problem with your partner.
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I just got married and I can only last for 10 to 20 seconds in bed. By the time my wife gets to the point of pleasure and asks me for more, I ejaculate. I am really worried that this pattern could ruin my sex life with my partner.
I’ve tried delay sprays and condoms designed to desensitize my penis, and they do help a bit, but when I don’t use them, I have the same problem. I want a permanent solution. What can I do?
When a physical issue gets in the way of your sex life, it can feel isolating and worrisome. But you’re not alone in your experience. An estimated 1 in 3 men have dealt with the problem you described, called premature ejaculation, at some point in their lives.
Like many sexual health matters, premature ejaculation isn’t discussed enough because it’s associated with feelings of shame or embarrassment. In fact, NYU Langone Health urologist Dr. Seth Cohen told me his patients who have premature ejaculation often waited for years before mustering up the courage to see a doctor for the problem.
“When I see these patients they’re severely depressed,” Cohen told me. “It does damage to relationships, which is unfortunate.”
The good news for you, Shanghai, is that you’re addressing the problem now before it completely derails your sex life.
You mentioned your use of sprays and condoms that desensitize your penis. According to Cohen, these products are some of the best treatment options for premature ejaculation. (Cohen said Promescent and Roman brand products are worth a try, if you haven’t already tested them out.)
There aren’t any surgeries or permanent fixes, but there are a few medications you could talk to your doctor about trying if you’re sick of using special sprays and condoms.
Cohen said SSRIs like Prozac, which are commonly used to treat depression, may be used off-label to delay ejaculation. These medications essentially tell your penis to hold out a bit longer.
“We only learned this because hundreds of thousands of men who take SSRIs complain it’s difficult for them to ejaculate at all,” Cohen said. You have to take an SSRI daily for it to work, so if you’re not good at remembering to take medications, this might not be the best option for you.
You could also try using as-needed erectile dysfunction medications like Viagra or Cialis off-label, according to Cohen. For some men, premature ejaculation is a symptom of early onset erectile dysfunction.
“The brain is hardwired to know what’s normal and if it suspects you’ll lose an erection soon, it’ll trigger ejaculation,” Cohen said, so using one of these medications could prevent the root cause and therefore the symptom of premature ejaculation.
And then, of course, there’s a whole world of YouTube videos dedicated to “tricks” for delaying ejaculation using nothing but your hands. If you’re interested in going that route, I’ll let Google search take the wheel.
No matter which option you try, you should also discuss the problem with your wife. Let her know how your inability to perform has made you feel and ask how it’s affected her, too. Perhaps you’ll learn there are other ways you can please your wife in bed.
As Insider’s resident sex and relationships reporter, Julia Naftulin is here to answer all of your questions about dating, love, and doing it — no question is too weird or taboo. Julia regularly consults a panel of health experts including relationship therapists, gynecologists, and urologists to get science-backed answers to your burning questions, with a personal twist.
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