It’s been four years since Josh Duggar’s sex scandals nearly brought down his family’s media empire.
Obviously, the most egregious allegation against the father of five is that he molested five young girls, four of whom were his sisters.
In the years since, those appalling charges (for which Duggar avoided criminal prosecution with the help of his parents), have overshadowed the many Josh scandals that followed.
For example, we’re guessing many of you don’t even remember the controversy surrounding Josh and Ashley Madison.
Here’s a quick refresher:
Despite the name, ashley madison is not some side-piece who traces her lineage back to our nation’s fourth president.
It’s a subscription-based, affair-facilitating website for married people who need a little help with their infidelity.
Back in 2015, the site was hacked and some very sensitive consumer data was made public.
We learned a lot that week, but two things really stuck with us:
1. A whole lot of dudes are paying good money to a website that promises to locate top-notch area mistresses.
2. One of those dudes was Josh Duggar.
At the time, the details of Josh’s Ashley Madison profile made it clear that he was not the conservative family man TLC had made him out to be.
Hiding behind the screenname “joesmithsonnwa” and a picture that he apparently found by searching “random dude” on Google, Josh revealed he was grappling with urges that all the prayer sessions and cold showers in the world couldn’t keep at bay.
Needless to say, his wife, Anna Duggar, was probably less than thrilled by all of this.
But hey, ashley madison is a site that’s dedicated to “no strings attached” sex, so we guess it’s no surprise that Josh came off like a horned-up 16-year-old who’d just gotten ahold of his father’s credit card.
What’s marginally more disturbing is the fact that Josh revealed himself to be just as one-track minded in the profiles he made for more mainstream sites, like Ok Cupid.
Actually, that’s not quite fair.
Josh clearly has two things on his mind — extramarital sex and being the absolute worst kind of douchebag.
Clearly desperate to convey both of these interests to potential cheating partners, Josh really took his time with the site’s Q&A session.
As you can see, he wants sex with a stranger, and he wants it tonight.
He’s also one of those guys who thinks if he talks like some discount Hugh Hefner, and talks about “discovering your body,” you won’t realize that he’s basically a walking frustrated erection.
We really wish we were joking:
Yes, as you can see, Josh is not only prone to nauseating seduction-speak, he also thinks there are situations under which women are “obligated” to have sex with him.
Just when you think this guy couldn’t make himself a more nauseating human being if he tried, he goes and basically condones rape in his dating profile.
Speaking of things the big man upstairs JC probably wouldn’t look too kindly on, it seems there are a few things Josh actually hates more than not having sex with women who aren’t his wife — namely, gay and/or poor people.
First, came this flat-out hate speech:
Mighty tall high horse for a guy who’s forever making a new case for himself as “worst human currently drawing breath” wouldn’t you say.
What exactly is Josh afraid of?
Children of gay people might grow up to be bigoted aspiring rapists?
Did he just out Jim Bob?
But what about poor people?
Doesn’t the Bible specifically say that Jesus holds them in higher esteem than the rich?
Well, not surprisingly, Josh kinda skipped over those passages.
Really, this guy stopped just short of proclaiming that Hitler had some good ideas and OJ is clearly innocent in his efforts to reveal himself as the absolute worst.
But hey, if it’s any consolation, Josh says that despite his best efforts, he never managed to get laid through any of these sites, and for once — we believe him.