‘Tinmanning’, ‘straycations’ and ‘stealing home’ are among the most common terms used by cheaters to hide affairs from their partners, new research reveals.
Controversial dating site ashley madison, which is marketed to people who are already married or in relationships, surveyed its members to determine the slang most widely used to hide sneaky rendezvousing and infidelity in 2020.
Cheaters who actively avoid developing feelings for their affair partner are ‘tinmanning’ against emotional involvement, while the rare few who actually fall in love with and marry their secret lover are said to be ‘stealing home’.
Cheaters use terms like ‘straycations’, which is a holiday taken with an affair partner, and ‘fling bling, jewellery given to or received from a secret lover, to hide their infidelity (stock image)
The acronym NSFS stands for Not Suitable for Spouse, indicating any messages or photographic content which should be hidden from a spouse or defacto partner at all costs.
‘Fling Bling’ refers to jewellery given to or received by an affair partner, while ‘The First Coming’ describes the first orgasm reached outside the official relationship.
To ‘silver spoon’ is to embark on an affair where both parties are senior citizens.
A ‘straycation’ is a holiday taken exclusively with an affair partner, while being ‘zippered’ describes the emotional state of developing an attachment to an affair partner beyond a sexual connection, often without realising it.
Relationship expert Dr Tammy Nelson says cheaters use collective slang as reassurance that they are not alone in their infidelity.
‘Common terms to describe these shared moments make you feel like you’re part of a club, a secret society or a larger social movement. It helps to not feel so alone,’ she said.
ashley madison’s Director of Communications Isabella Mise agrees, saying the terms make cheating ‘a little easier’ for anyone wishing to be unfaithful.
‘A successful affair is an undiscovered affair, and discretion is our top priority,’ she said in a statement on Wednesday.
‘We’ve learned the ways in which our members carry out their affairs to keep them a secret, and we decided to give them one more [method] – a language.’
THE A – Z OF MODERN DATING
Benching: Putting a potential relationship on hold for the sake of a more promising one. The person may revisit the ‘benched’ relationship if the other option falls through.
Breadcrumbing: Leading a romantic interest on by giving small shows of attention here and there, often via direct message on Instagram, with radio silence in between.
Cloaking: Dubbed the ‘new ghosting’, cloaking takes things one step further by blocking the person on all channels of communication.
Cuffing: Finding a partner for the cold winter months (and ‘uncuffing’ or dumping them when summer rolls round).
Cushioning: When a relationship is floundering, one or both parties begin flirting with others to ‘cushion’ the blow of the final break up.
Dateview: A grilling interview about kids, marriage and life goals on the first date, to determine if you’re worth a second.
Dial Toning: When someone gives you their number to text them, but when you do, they never respond.
DTR: Acronym for ‘define the relationship’, the dreaded chat about where the romance is going.
Eclipsing: When a friend suddenly develops a deep interest in their new partner’s hobbies or social circle.
Exoskeleton-ing: When the ex of your current partner contacts you, usually via Instagram or Facebook.
Firedooring: When the effort in a relationship is one-sided, because fire escapes only open in one direction.
Fleabagging: Inspired by Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s character in Fleabag, the practice of repeatedly dating people who are completely unsuitable for you.
Fling Bling: Jewellery given to or received by an affair partner
Ghosting: Suddenly cutting contact with a romantic partner. Also known as ‘the coward’s way out’ of modern relationships.
Glamboozled: Getting ready for a date, only to be cancelled on at the last minute.
Haunting: Similar to ghosting, but the person continues to watch the ghosted person’s Instagram stories or silently like their posts.
Kittenfishing: When you arrive to a first date, only to find the person has used a profile picture from at least ten years ago. Similar to catfishing.
Left on read: Reading a message, but not replying.
Negging: Backhanded compliments designed to undermine your confidence and cause you to crave the ‘neggers’ approval.
Orbiting: Letting a former fling know you are still vaguely interested by liking their Instagram posts.
Phubbing: Ignoring someone in favour of flicking on your phone.
Roaching: As in cockroach, a romantic partner hiding the fact they are secretly dating multiple people at the same time.
Silver spoon: To begin an affair where both parties are senior citizens
Slow fade: Like ghosting, but gentler. There will be more warning signs, so watch out.
Stashing: Also known as ‘pocketing’, when a new partner hasn’t introduced you to their family or friends, and never posts photos with you on social media. Usually done to allow them to keep their options open.
Stealing home: The rare but occasional act of falling in love with and marrying an affair partner you’ve cheated with.
Straycation: A holiday taken with an affair partner when cheating.
The First Coming: The first orgasm reached outside one’s marriage.
Thirst trap: Posting a sexy photo on social media to attract attention, usually the attention of a specific person.
Tindstagramming: Finding a person and messaging them on Instagram after matching with them on Tinder.
Tinmanning: To avoid catching feelings for an affair partner when cheating.
Typecasting: Basing your compatibility with someone on things like star signs or personality tests.
Zippered: The state of being attached to an affair partner beyond a sexual connection, often without realising it.
Source: Confessions of a Trainwreck podcast via ABC